Horndog

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Everyone loves a good laugh - particularly at someone else's expense. Author Michael Jefferson is an expert at love gone wrong - often hilariously wrong. He once told a girl he liked her - she pushed him down a flight of stairs. He gave his girlfriend the keys to his car - she ran it into a garage door. Horndog recounts the misadventures of the women he's loved, lost and lusted after, plus forty years of strippers, stalkers, and sluts that made him an unrepentant bachelor, including: Veronica, who ate lithium like Pez, drove like Ray Charles and faked her own death. Joya, "the destroyah, " who was not averse to making love in the morgue, during a parade or in the middle of Macy's showroom floor. Doxie, the Aussie au pair known to her many male admirers as "The Body." Her lust for liquor meant she would never be called "the brain, " Kacey, a stunning wood nymph with a cupie doll voice who was completely at ease being naked. But she was no match for a fun-killing mom with a Gatling gun mouth, Holly, a woman so chaste, so revered by her neighbors she was called "Holy Holly." Naturally, Michael had to ruin her and their relationship. Trixie and Dixie, two carnal city connoisseurs whose love for bubble baths and blow left the author gasping. "I love New York." Bree, a tattooed stripper who at first glance seemed unexceptional. Add a wig, a clinging leather outfit and Bree could inspire a man to break furniture (with her help of course). The incidents and events in Horndog are hard to believe, but true. Mr. Jefferson was indeed seduced by an "older woman" at the age of twelve, he did date the granddaughter of an alleged mob figure, he's made love in a morgue, and lived with the niece of an iconic science fiction movie star. The stories may be about sex, but the stories are suggestive and whimsical, not pornographic. Each chapter ends with a moral, a lesson the author - and hopefully the reader - will take to heart, such as: "You can't be a hero forever. Embrace what you are, not what you were, " and "Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you a damned good time." The naughty nannies, bodacious blondes and raving redheads featured in the book all agree- if you want a successful love life, don't be like Mike.